


Let Me Drown

by Lilosnogging



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Sad, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-15
Updated: 2013-03-15
Packaged: 2017-12-05 08:26:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilosnogging/pseuds/Lilosnogging
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson are in a band by the name of One Direction.<br/>Everything on the outside looks fine and put together.<br/>Really, its the exact opposite.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Me Drown

**Author's Note:**

> Song Credit: Let Me Drown by Drew Ryniewicz (Link below)  
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNYc8fbGXxo
> 
> Enjoy(:  
> FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED  
> I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO READ THIS LIKE SERIOUSLY GUYS EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT I APPRECIATE YOU READ THIS

**Louis' POV**  
 _One drop s'how it starts_  
 _One blink it's a waterfall_  
 _Taking over everything_  
 _It's consuming all of me_

A tear dribbled down his cheek, the tips of my fingers brushing them away softly. His eyes shut tight, blocking everything and everyone out, including me. 

"This," his hand made a wave, eyes still shut tight, motioning to everything around us. "This is hard."

I waited a solid minute until I cleared my throat,. "i-I know," was all that I could say. What else was there to say to the man you loves- have loved since you were both young and reckless boys- whose life looked like it was crumbling around him?

"I didn't k-know-" he stopped. I enveloped him in as much of a hug I could manage with him sitting down, my arm slung carelessly around his waist. 

"You didn't know what?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper, as I traced simple patterns on his thin hip, right where his shirt had rode up. 

"I didn't know that it would-" a bitter laugh escaped his lips, he shook his head. "This is stupid," he mumbled.

"No, feelings are not stupid, Harry. Feelings are real, and serious, and _anything_  but stupid." I said sternly, forcing him to look up at me. 

"I feel like, lately, this sort of  _sadness_  washes over me. I can't control it, and it just comes upon me." He said, looking down at my hand which rested on his thigh. 

"Why?" He hesitated, so I pressed my thumb into his leg for reassurance. "Babe?"

"We always have to  _'deny, deny, deny'_." quoting our PR manager. "At first, it wasn't so bad, you going out with Eleanor every-so-often. Having to roll our eyes at 'Larry' comments, a.k.a blatantly lying to our fans. We are  _liars_ , somthing I never wanted to me. Now it's part of my everyday job! It all just drenches me. Lying to the people we owe everything to. Not being able to stand next to each other. Not even able to be photographed alone. I'm labeled as a cold hearted player- that hurts Lou. You have to pretend to have a girlfriend! You are mine and I'm yours, I want people to know that. And-" he took one, long, shaky breathe. "I'm afraid people won't know that for a long time- if ever. I don't know if I can handle all these stupid  _fucking_  feelings for that long, Louis." The words tumbled out of his mouth, his eyes only blinking till the very end and thats when the rain started to pour. His whole body wracked with shrieking sobs, muffled by my shoulder.   
In that moment, my heart broke in two. I pulled him into my lap, his body folding in on itself, protecting him from the outside world. I ran my fingers thru his hair gently, careful not to pull at any. 

"P-please, stay strong, Haz. This won't last forever." Harry suddenly pulled back, away from my- now a couple feet away. 

"Stop! Louis, you're  _lying_! That's all we ever  _fucking_  do is lie!"

I was stuck in place, not able to form words.

 

 

 

 

 

_I could never see the signs_    
 _But now they're clear as black and white_    
 _Now I finally recognize_    
 _The writing on the wall_

I had no idea how long Harry had felt that way. How clueless was I? Harry was my best friend, my better half, my  _lover_. I was suppose to know when something wasn't right. I was suppose to know! Now, it was clear a day.those few but frequent nights when Harry 'didn't feel like going out'. I should have known and I should have stayed with him. Those moments when his eyes were glazed over and he claimed he has just yawned. He wasn't eating a much, insisting he wasn't hungry. _  
_

I walked slowly to our shared bedroom, he had barely come out in the past 48 hours, since that conversation. I knocked softly on the die before entering.

"Harry, love? I brought you some tea." He sat up slowly. His hair matted to the side of his face. He opened his mouth to speak but I held up a hand.pushing the tea into his grasp.

"Don't speak, babe." I sighed, sitting on the edge if the bed. "You spoke, now it's my turn." He gave a slow, subtle nod.

"You know I love you?" He nodded quickly. "I-" a pause, my breathing getting heavy as I thought through my words.

"I am so sorry." The words finally came out. "i didn't even notice you were hurting! You have every right to hate me! Break up with me! You deserve so much better. I've obviously prices to be a shit boyfriend. I, didn't see the signs. But now I do and they are ask over the fucking place! You haven't been going out with us, I could have stayed with you! You were practically crying in front of me and I still didn't see it!" His eyes were running now. His head facing down, shading it back and forth. I grabbed his tea and set it aside. "Can you skip your shirt if and lie down for me? I want to see something." With a few sniffles he slipped his shirt over his head and laid down. His eyes following my every movement. I pulled his sweats down just enough to see his hip bones jutting out. "Look at this, Harry. How could I not notice this? Look at this! I can practically see your bones. This didn't happen by only shipping a few meals! This has been going on awhile and I didn't even notice!" The tears finally descending down my cheeks. "I'm sorry  _sosososososo_  sorry. Harry, i'm s-so sorry."

 

 

 

 

_  
_**Harry's POV**

_So don't say a word_    
 _Don't explain, let it go_    
 _Please save your breath_    
 _Let it rain, let me drown_    
 _It's over now, just let me drown_

All I wanted was to talk to Louis. I hadn't meant to hide things from him. I just felt weak and non-manly for all this. Now I felt Louis drifting away. We hadn't spoken at all. He kept a close eye on me, but we didn't speak. Was he going to break up with me? Was I too much to handle? All these damn feelings? It couldn't be, could it? 

We had been especially busy lately, but today we had a day off. I woke up a little bit before Louis, knowing he's want to sleep in. I shuffled down the stairs and into the kitchen. I pulled out all the necessary things to make pancakes with eggs and bacon. 

I was almost finished when I heard stumbling around upstairs and a long, drawn out sniff. 

"That smells delicious," Louis said quietly fromt he door. His pajama bottoms the only thing on his thin waist. Short, soft,  _kissable_ , _sexy_ stuble on his chin, the opposite of his smooth chest. 

"I made it for you," I mumbled, setting out the last plate, motioning for him to sit. 

"I was hoping today, we'd forget everything else. And just have a free day. Everything's been tense. We've both been on edge, and we need this day/ We can talk about everything late. Today, you are mine, and I am yours. We are Harry and Louis. Not Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson from One Direction. We aren't Larry Stylinson. Just you and me, okay?" Louis' face brightened at my words. 

"That, love, sounds perfect," Louis said, coming over to wrap his arms around my waist. His soft, plump lips coming to crash into mine. It was the kiss I had been longing for all these long (few, but long) past days. Our lips moved in unision with each other. They slot together like the perfect puzzle.

We were Harry and Louis again,  
the perfect pair,  
match made in heaven,  
two peas in a pod,  
Louis and Harry,  
blue and green,  
Toms and Converse,  
the Fray and Coldplay,  
suspenders and bowties  
short and tall  
small and large hands  
high and low voice  
straight and curly hair  
eyelashes and dimples  
football and instagram  
far away and i can't change  
a compass and ship  
piano and cooking  
love and babe  
 _boobear and babycakes  
_ _lou and hazza  
_ two swallows mating for  _life._

_  
_"I've missed your messy morning hugs," i mumbled into his neck after we had broken apart.

"Oi! How are they messy?" Louis giggled. 

"With your scruffle, pj's, bed hair. Quite frankly, you look  _sexy_." I said, pulling away to pinch his nipple. Louis flinched a bit, but a grin broke out across his face anyway. Then fell suddenly, pulling me into a close hug, burying his face into my shoulder. 

"I've miss you so much." Louis whispered. I felt my shirt slightly damp where his face was pressed into my shoulder. 

"Sh, just listen. Today, we will drown in each other. We aren't going to worry about that right now, okay? Let me drown," I pleaded, he pulled back slightly. 

"Okay," Louis said, barely audtible. 

"Harry?" he said, lookign directly into my eyes. 

"Yeah, boo?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

 

 

 

 

 

_Too smart for you own good_  
Always leading with your mind  
Not with you heart, wish you would  
Too late, you'll never know  
What do we have to show for it  
Besides a waist of time 

_  
_I had woken up to yelling. Very loud, very angry yelling.

"No, I couldn't give a flying fuck who you are. This is what I want, and if you can't help me make it happen, I'll do it on my own. You know the ultimatum." Louis had yelled angrily into the phone before letting out a screech and effecitivly throwing the phone on the floor. Louis then had sunken to his knees as sobs wracked his whole body. 

It wasn't very often Louis Tomlinson cried like this, but when he did, I knew I had to be there. Through thick and thin, right? 

"Louis, babe, are you alright?" I was immediatly on my feet, by his side, pulling him into me. When he realized it was me, he melted into my embrace, as I pulled him to settle down into my lap. "Sh, hey, it's going to be alright, whatever it is. How about you take a couple breaths and tell me what's happened." I said, in the softest voice I could possibly manage. 

"I talked to management." He said, after a moment of his subsiding tears. 

"Talked to management about what?" I asked quizzically. 

"Coming out," my whole body physically reacted to those wonderful,  _terrifying_ , words. 

"W-what?" 

"Coming out, i asked them about it. They said there was no way in hell that was happening anytime soon." i shouldn't have been surprised because that's what they had said the last trillion times we had talked to them about it. 

"Then, I told them they can shove that up their asses because I said I was either going to throw the biggest hissy fit they've ever seen." Louis said in his most sassy voice. 

I laughed a little at that. But then he had started talking again. 

"When they didn't listen to that, I gave then an ultimatum." Louis said, his voice hard and stoney. 

"What was it?" I asked, my hand rubbing into the small of his back, his head rested sideways on my shoulder so he would look into my eyes while speaking. His arms wrapped tightly around my torso, his body curled in on himself. 

"I told them that I'd quit the band." Louis said, hiding his face from my view. I gasped slightly, opening my mouth to reply, but he quickly added. "Or-"

"Or what?" 

"Or I'd out myself."

"Louis... What!?" 

"I'm sorry!" 

"What'd they say?"

"They said they'd think about it."

"Oh my god."

"I'm so sorry!" 

"Harry?"

"Oh my god, Harry talk to me!" 

"I-"

"Harry?"

"I need to go to the gym." Those were the words I said before standing up- with Louis in my arms- setting him down on the bed, giving him a chaste kiss on the forehead. Grabbing my gym bag, some clothes and my shoes before walking out of the flat. 

It wasn't hat I didn't want to come out.  _Obviously_  I did. But I had hoped Louis and I would work one problem through at a time. How were we suppose to fix multiple things all at once? I thought we'd talk things through, talk about it and plan, and live a little and  _not_  him do this on his own. Because we were suppose to be a  _team._  Not just Louis thinking with his head and not with his heart. Louis wasn't dumb, farthest thing from dumb. But the boy didn't  _think_  sometimes. 

"Hello?" The phone had interupted my work out and my train of thoughts. 

"Harry?" It sounded a lot like managment and not at all like Louis. 

"Yes?" 

"We can't have you and Louis coming out right now." Getting right to the point.

"Listen, I had no idea he had been doing that."

"We figured when he didn't hang the phone up and we heard your whole conversation." 

"That's not right, mate." I said simply, a little ticked off. 

"We know, and we apologize. But we can't have Louis doing this right now. We can talk about you two coming out in the future. But we  _cannot_ have you coming out right now." 

"Did you tell Louis that?"

"Yeah,"

"And?"

"He didn't listen."

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh,' that's why we called you. We need your help."

"Help with what?"

"We need you to break up with Louis." 

My heart had literally stopped beating in my chest. My head felt heavy with lots of pressure. Like my whole body would concave any moment. My heart felt bulky, and burdensome. Look at what we had to show for thinking with our heads and not our hearts. Nothing. Not a damn thing. I felt my heart waisting away. 

"Will you help us, Harry?" 

"Yeah."

 

 

 

 

  
_I could never see the signs_    
 _But now they're clear as black and white_    
 _Now I finally recognize_    
 _The writing on the wall_

_  
_"Harry?" Louis yelled at me as I shut the door to our flat. I was hot and sweaty and clammy and nervous all at the same time.

"Louis? We need to talk." I said, going to sit on the couch in the living room. 

"Where are you love?" He said, I could tell he was upstairs. I heard his footsteps becoming  _closer, closer, closer._

"I'm so-" I quickly cut him off. 

"You should have talked to me." I said with much haste. "You should have talked to me. We're suppose to be a team. Louis, things have been rough around here. Why the hell would you just add to it? It was already a huge ass fucking fire, why add fuel to the flames?" The anger rose from within me. I knew what this conversation would lead too. 

"Harry I-"

"What were you thinking? Oh that's right, you weren't thinking! You weren't thinking about anyone but yourself! Louis, Louis, Louis! Always about Louis!" I was full-blown yelling now. 

"You think I did this for me? You think I did this for JUST me? I did this for you  _and_  me you twat! How daft are you?" Louis screamed back, obviously he had some fight in him. 

"No! Because if you had thought of me at all you would have actually fucking talked to me." 

"I thought you'd be happy!" 

"Obviously, I'm not. Louis- I-" I searched for my words. I couldn't do this. I couldn't do this. "I- I think one of us should stay with one of the other boys right now."

"W-what are you saying?" Louis voice had lowered two octaves. Now very quiet and timid, like a mouse. 

"We need a break Louis. You and I both knew it was coming." 

"I didn't actually." Louis said quickly. "I thought things were looking brighter-" 

"Don't do anything stupid like come out while were on this little break. It's not forever. Just for a week or so." I said, looking down at my hands. "I can stay with Niall-"

"No, it's fine. I'll go stay with one of the other boys. Or better yet, I think I'll go down to visit my mum for a couple days. I'll see when I can get the earliest flight." 

"Okay."

"Goodbye Harry." The words stung, to say the least. 

"Bye Louis. I-" I paused for a moment. "I love you, Loubear."

"Goodbye." Was all he said as he went upstairs to pack a bag. 

 

 

 

 

_**Louis' POV**_

  
_So please say a word_    
 _Please explain, let it go_    
 _Don't save your breath_    
 _Let it rain, don't let me drown_    
 _It's over now, don't let me drown_

_  
_I had just finished telling my mum the whole story with what happened between Harry and me. My mum was sipping on her tea, a thoughtful look on her face.

"Louis, do you think Harry would do that by himself? Or do you think that maybe he had a little push to do that?" My mother said softly, looking up and meeting my eyes. "Harry loves you will all his mind, body, and spirit. I don't think he would say anything along those lines, especially since he also wants to come out. Not just you, sweetheart." 

Mum always knew the right things to say. "But, then did managment tell him to break up with me? Because I made a little threat?" 

"It's not a  _little threat_  Louis. It's a huge deal that could possibly ruin the whole band's career. Not just yours. You have to think about the whole band. It's like a family. I can't just think about me, I have to think about you, and Lottie, and Fizz, and the twins. It also breaches your contract. Either way, there is no way you can win." 

"But, there has to be a way! This is  _Harry_  were talking about! Not just some boy. I want to spend the rest of my life with Harry! I can't have him unhappy!" I cried. 

"Louis, go talk to management. Then go talk to Harry. You have to straighten things out and tell them your words were empty threats and that you were sorry. Tell them you won't be doing anything stupid. And tell them your an idiot. But also tell them to shove off and  _never_  bring Harry into anything again. Okay?" I nodded slowly. 

"Thanks mum. I love you." 

"Love you too, babe." 

 

 

*****

"Louis? We weren't expecting you today." The man sat at the head of the table. Staring at me as I sad facing the band's managers. 

"Well, it was urgent. I wanted to apologize first of all for my threats. They were empty and I never meant to cause a comotion. I was upset."  I said, speaking very posh. I hated the way I felt the need to speak to them this way, but they were kind of intimidating when they weren't just a voice on the phone. 

"Yes, well we accept your apology. Just don't let it happen again." The man said, standing up. "If you'll excuse me-"

"Wait, there's one more thing." I said, he sat back down and looked at me expectantly. "You are the bans management. But in our personal lives, the lives no one is allowed to see, you manage absolutely nothing. So if you ever,  _ever_  bring Harry into a disagreement you and I have again. I'll throw all the contracts out the window and you won't know what hit you. Harry's fragile and listens and obeys everything you say. But it's not yours to have a say in. So fuck off." I said suddenly. Standing up and leaving to head home to clear things up with Harry. 

 

 

*****

"Harry, love?" I said, entering the house. I heard shuffling upstairs and ran up as fast as my feet would carry me. I found Harry in the bedroom, in boxers. His eyes red-rimmed and it looked like he hadn't done anything in the past two days.

"Louis? I thought you were in Doncaster visiting your mum." Harry said, sniffling a bit. 

"I was, but she helped me realize that you'd never say those things without a push. So i went and told management I was sorry," I paused as Harry's eyes got wide. "But I also told them to get out of our personal lives." 

"I'm sorry-" and that's all it took for Harry to break down. Louis' arms enveloped him soon enough. 

"It's okay, it's all over now. You and I, we're okay. We aren't going anywhere." Louis said, adding sweet nothings into Harry's ear. 

"I'm okay if we don't come out. I know it'll happen eventually. Right now, all I want is to have you back." Harry said, burying his head into Louis' shoulder. 

"That's all I want, ever. Is you." 

"I love you, Loubear."

"I love you too, Hazza."

**Author's Note:**

> Guys! Thank you for reading this whole thing!  
> I'm really happy about how this one went, idk about the ending though. it may be total crap. So I'm sorry if it is!  
> I know I changed the last verse of the song a bit. But I just had to end it happy.  
> FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED
> 
> I LOVE EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO READ THIS LIKE SERIOUSLY GUYS EVEN IF YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT I APPRECIATE YOU READ THIS
> 
> S.xxxxxxxxxxx


End file.
